Poor Jared. His best friend felt bad for the guy who often slurred his response when asked what his name was. When the new acquaintance replied, "Good to meet you, Jerry," Jared usually did not correct them. Sadly, on the occasions he did they simply ignored him and continued to refer to him as Jerry. What was sad was not that people were making mistakes; of course, everybody can make a mistake. What was sad was that nobody took the time to listen to Jared after they thought they knew his name. He'd try to correct people or steer them back in the right direction, but at that time, they had already made up their minds -- this was Jerry they were talking to.
Our failure to listen clearly communicates our disinterest in and lack of focus on the things that the other party believes are important. Keep in mind that hearing someone is a far cry from actually listening to him or her. Listening well is both an art form to develop and a skill to refine. The investment of time and effort bears a harvest of deep friendships, admiration and life satisfaction. You do not even have to worry about getting them right or correct either; the gift is just in the practicing. Stories such as Jared's teach the value of giving the gift of attention, as it is sometimes called.
The commitment to listen does not mean agree. Every relationship is built on trust. Once the speaker can trust that you will listen, the opportunity for communication beyond the surface level becomes possible. "As iron sharpens iron" dialogue on heartfelt issues makes us more knowledgeable and empathetic whether the parties involved agree or not.
Often, we just need someone to listen; not offer solutions. Sometimes we only need to know someone cares enough to extend their time and attention to hear our struggles, share our pain, and enlarge our joy. Without it problems arise. In fact, it has been said that 85 percent of counseling is simply listening.
The need for the gift of attention is observed in both secular and sacred contexts. Our lack of attention is evidenced in our relationship with God as well as those around us. We read His Word and talk with Him in prayer expecting to find comfort, guidance, encouragement, or forgiveness. Often we walk away empty not because God failed to respond, but because we were not paying attention when He did.
Remember the story of the Transfiguration in Mark's gospel? Peter, James and John were with Jesus on a high mountain when Jesus "was transfigured before them. His clothes became dazzling white, whiter than anyone in the world could bleach them. And there appeared before them Elijah and Moses, who were talking with Jesus."
Stunned, Peter did what Peter usually did in such circumstances: he blurted out the first words that popped into his head. "Rabbi, this is a great moment. Let's build three memorials -- one for you, one for Moses, one for Elijah." (Mark 9:5-6, Message)
We do this all the time. God is speaking. Jesus is burning hot-white among us. And we can't sit still. We can't wait and ponder. We have to strategize and market and draw up a flow-chart that flings everyone into action. We have to talk, to spin ourselves in circles with all our words.
Are we tired of hearing ourselves jabber? I am. Are we tired of having more confidence in what we can manage than in what God is busy doing? I hope I am.
After Peter had offered his two cents, a thundering voice spoke from the cloud. "This is my Son...Listen to him." Listen to him. "Actually, Peter," the Father said, "this is not the time for you to say or do anything. This is the time to listen." There is a time to act, and there is a time to wait. There is a time to speak, and there is a time to listen. My prayer is that I will know the difference.
-- Dr. Randy Rowlan is pastor of First United Methodist Church. Comments are welcomed at [email protected]. The opinions expressed are those of the author.
Religion on 04/27/2016