Just in case you had not heard, humans are marked for extinction. The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists set the Doomsday Clock to 2.5 minutes before midnight in 2017. This is scientists' delicate way of informing us that, due to nuclear weapons proliferation, climate change, terrorism, and Facebook; we are all pretty much toast. But, wait! Other scientists inform us that we may be saved by a combining of our genes with the lowly and disgusting cockroach.
We all have cockroach horror stories. I lived on the Gulf Coast which is the home of the Palmetto bug, a giant cockroach with wings. They are known for flying directly at you and stealing food from children. The ultimate "ick" factor for me was being awakened by an amorous roach crawling on my bare shoulder one night. The wife did not appreciate being waked up by a screaming husband.
Scientists have learned a great deal about human genes. Having sequenced the entire human genome and then becoming bored, they recently turned their attention to unraveling various insect genomes. Turns out that the seemingly simple roach has a very sophisticated and complex genetic structure. Their genes and the proteins they produce also lend insight into how well roaches survive and adapt to changing environments. They have 154 receptors related to smell. This is why they can sniff out a bit of cheese cracker dropped on the carpet in about 10 seconds. Their genes also code for certain enzymes that help them resist pesticides and live in extreme cold and heat. They can quickly change their genetics; they have evolved such that they now avoid sugary bait traps that once worked in the 1980s. They can regenerate limbs during their nymph stage. Chinese medicine has used ground-up roach powder for all manner of treatments.
Whether you like it or not the roach appears to be genetically superior to us humans. But, being human, we should take advantage of the situation. We can now edit our genes by using a process known as CRISPR. Basically this is an easy way to change any gene. Many scientists believe it is too easy and will eventually result in a kit one can purchase from your neighborhood pharmacy that will allow you to design your own genes. It is not far-fetched that a mad or brilliant scientist takes a few select genes from a cockroach and infuses them into human cells. Think of the possibilities! Human-roach hybrids that can eat anything and not get ill. Nuclear attack? No problem, you're impervious to radiation! Lose a limb in the blast? Wait a few days and you'll grow a replacement!
And why stop with using roach genes? Incorporate some honeybee genes into those of your baby and feed her pollen. Baby spit-up becomes honey!
Don't get me started about using dung beetle genes.
Obviously there may be some trade-offs but such is the price for survival of the species. Social and cultural norms may change as well. Let's just say that it may be better to be a female than a male. Male drones have it easy for awhile but are eventually kicked out by the females. We may also want to avoid using praying mantis and black widow genes unless you want to remain celibate (guys, you've been warned!).
On second thought, maybe we humans should just go gently into that good night. Best of luck with the Earth, critters!
-- Devin Houston is the president/CEO of Houston Enzymes. Send comments or questions to [email protected]. The opinions expressed are those of the author.
Editorial on 04/18/2018