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Please use caution when reading this column. Do not attempt to read if you have known allergies to satire, sarcasm, or logic. Consult your doctor to determine if you are healthy enough to endure reading of stressful news items. Do not consume coffee or other hot drinks while reading as spontaneous liquid expulsions through nasal passages may occur.

Avoid using heavy machinery after reading these works as your thoughts may shift and meander due to procrastination. Seek psychological help if fits of rage or laughter persist longer than four hours from time of reading. In rare instances, adverse reactions may occur when encountering words composed of more than 12 letters.

Certain information set forth in this column contains "opinionated-looking information" including "future oriented speculation" and "dismal outlooks." Except for statements of no importance, these statements are not guarantees of future improvement in author's sanity or overall disposition. These statements are presented solely for the empowerment of the author and have no bearing whatsoever on the health, welfare, or ignorance of the general public.

Said column is not intended for purpose of providing medical advice, financial advice or advice on picking up chicks. Any resemblance to a work of knowledge is purely coincidental and highly unlikely. The information provided in this column is provided "as is" with no warranty of any kind and the author accepts no liability for accuracy, completeness, reliability, sexiness or humorosity. Any made-up words submitted by author are completely harmless provided sufficient safeguards are in place. For a list of sufficient safeguards, consult your local thesaurus.

Reading this column may result in weight loss or gain, hair growth or baldness and loss of social standing. Results are not guaranteed and may differ from one person to another. Those over the age of 65 are encouraged to consult children for help in understanding comments that involve Facebook, Instagram, or Tik Tok. Those younger than 20 years of age should consult their grandparents when encountering discussions of historical significance within this column.

The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this text belong solely to the author and are obviously more correct than your own. Any disagreement by the public with the author's views are the result of ignorance, idiocy, illiteracy and nincompoopacy. See previous warning concerning made-up words.

Any damages occurring from the reading of this amazing column is purely the fault of the reader. The author bears no liability or responsibility for the consequences of trying to understand what-the-heck is being communicated.

Please enjoy the reading of this column and have a wonderful day. Thank you.

-- Devin Houston is the president/CEO of Houston Enzymes. Send comments or questions to devin.houston@gmail.com. The opinions expressed are those of the author.

Editorial on 02/05/2020

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